Overcoming Overwhelm

I've had a turbulent year.

Hell, I've had a few turbulent years… and it doesn't look like things are calming down anytime soon.

As a member of the sandwich generation, I worry about my kids no matter how old they are and I feel responsible for the health and safety of my aging parents.

That pressure can sometimes feel like a vice.

When things get wonky on both ends of the spectrum, it can send you reeling, as it’s done to me many times over the years.

This year, after dealing with 2 major hospitalizations, addiction and mental health concerns, degenerative disease, COVID infections, job losses and new life circumstances, I find myself in a surprising place...

A state of calm.

Of course, I still feel the inevitable stress of this crazy life creeping up on me. (I am human). But this time, I've been able to find peace amidst the chaos.

What's the difference?

The self-care practices I've been cultivating have begun to synthesize and, through consistent practice, they're becoming more automatic and more effective.

Are you suffering from your own smothering load of overwhelm?

Your circumstances are probably very different from mine, but, if you're feeling the pressure to help everyone thrive, it can come at the expense of your own health and wellness.

I don't have control over all the contributing factors, so, for me, the key lies in shifting my perspective.

Mindset is EVERYTHING, and changing it is absolutely worth the effort. When you can achieve a state of calm, your body reaps the physical benefits of lowered blood pressure and heart rate, superior blood oxygen and less muscle tension. You're also able to show up with an open heart and make decisions with clarity and compassion.

Need a shift in your life? Try incorporating these simple strategies:

Consciously breathe. Deep breathing helps you stop the freight train, regroup and move forward with renewed energy. Taking the time to do this daily makes this calming response come automatically in stressful situations. To begin deep breathing practice, start by committing to 5 minutes a day. Use your diaphragm to expand your lower belly out in a deep inhale. Let the air ride your body up from your low belly to your collarbones before contracting your abdominals and slowly pushing it back down from your collarbones to your lower core. Express all of the air to fully empty your lungs. Aim for 5 second inhales and 5 second exhales. Remember, respiration is one key pathway for detoxification, so breathing this way also rids your body of harmful substances. Adding a meditation practice is a great way to expand on this habit. Apps like Calm and Headspace offer guided meditations that teach you the basics so, if silent time makes you a bit crazy, you can gradually hone the techniques that make the skillset effective.

Feel. Catch yourself being present in the moment. Do you hear birds chirping, water tapping on the windows? Can you feel the sun’s rays gently warming your face? Are you wrapped in the scent of warm muffins baking in the oven or pine needles from a wooded path? Often, when you’re experiencing sensations such as these, you’re not thinking about the next catastrophe that’s coming down the pike. Feeling is a brief respite from thinking (and over-thinking). Use your senses as an escape and enjoy the little moments you discover yourself in.

Choose joy. Practice changing your feeling to one of spontaneous joy. This one may feel like a stretch, especially if you think of joy like the concept of happiness –that is, one that’s tied to success or other worldly circumstance. The truth is, joy is a feeling you can opt-into at any time, despite your life circumstances. You can be poor and feel joy. You can endure great tragedy and still experience joy. Try it now. Decide to feel joyous. It can help to tie this practice to the one above. In this moment, identify a feeling that you enjoy. (See what I did there? 😊) For me right now, I’m on a long car ride with a gassy dog… But, the air coming through my window is fresh and clean from rain and old-school soul is blasting through the stereo. These bring me comfort, and I’m taking joy in this moment. Much of my trip still lies ahead and I’ve got a lot to worry about in my life, but I’m not thinking about that right now. I’m just focusing on these little sensations that lift me up. Challenge yourself to find your joy this way at least once a day. Rank your level of joy on day one. Re-rank on day 30. How far have you come?

Be grateful. It’s easy to think something awesome has to happen for us to be thankful, but we don’t need to wait for greatness to be grateful. I find acknowledging the little things exercises my gratitude muscle, so it flexes frequently. Appreciating small blessings is just easier. On a day when the sh*t hits the fan, I can still be thankful for my dog snuggling up with some much-needed support, or my coworker's gift of fresh, home-grown peppers I'll use in a delicious pot of sauce. Taking time each day to find a few things you’re grateful for will help you see things in a more positive light and improve both your attitude and your outlook.

Stop judging. Judgement is toxic. That’s why people hate being judged, yet we’re all guilty of judging others. Maybe it’s human nature but getting away from judgement leaves you more room for joy, love and compassion. The best place to start in this practice, like most, is with yourself. Practice being kind to yourself. Do you berate yourself for being disorganized? Look critically at your body and curse your lack of willpower? Do you hate your appearance or think you’re not smart enough? STOP. Decide right now to rewrite your script. No one is just anything. We’re all complex and multi-faceted… and we’re constantly evolving. Be patient and have compassion for yourself. Now, extend that same patience and kindness to those around you. We’re all doing our best here. You can even apply this outlook to situations in your life. Your circumstances are not necessarily good or bad. They just are. Sometimes the greatest good comes from the biggest challenges. How can this practice change your attitude towards trials and tribulations you’re currently enduring?

Surrender. Let go. The truth is, you probably have less control over the situation than you think. Figure out what factors are in your control and then release yourself from the burden of managing the rest. This allows you to focus on things you can actually affect. If you’re a spiritual person, prayer can be a powerful tool here. Allow God, the universe, or your higher power to lead you to the solution that's best for all involved. The outcome may be something you never envisioned or imagined. And that’s the beauty of surrendering.

It’s likely some of these techniques are new to you and feel strange and uncomfortable. Use it as an opportunity to stretch yourself. Something has to change in order for a true shift to occur. These tools change perspective and that is healing in itself. Remember, practice really does make perfect so the more consistent you are, the more accessible peace will be to you.